Today was pretty good. It is so hard to believe tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.
Where does it go?
I’m in a very ponderous mood. I heard back from the freind I mentioned a few days ago. I don’t know. I’m supposed to forgive, I just have a hard time with it. I feel spiritually required to forgive, but my self-concern makes it difficult. People have told me I have the patience of Job, but I don’t feel it sometimes.
The tough part is my path. I know what I have to do, it is the doing that’s difficult. Why do things have to be so complex? Why can’t there be a middle ground to run to when the details start fuzzing and blurring?
I completed my course work, it is so hard to believe. I’m a disciple. Me. Who knew? I can’t explain how it feels, but it’s the best word to summarize it. I completed my term for a Christian Theology school. I’ve learned more in my time there, than in all my life. Imagine that. Just some intensive studies and research, and viola, a religious pupil.
You know, I dreamed I had the opprotunity to ask God one question. I began the ascent into Heaven, everything. I felt my body fall, myself ascend, all the while my stomach was in my throat with the speed of the ascent. But, I couldn’t think of a single question to ask him. Not one. I kept considernig Revelations and how John must’ve felt when he stood to write the book. I don’t want to know the future. Who could bare such a burden? Aside from biblical heros? Knowing how people are, how they would treat whatever you said? Certainly, no one would believe you if you had such secrets. It would drive you crazy, and they would just believe you were mentally affected by something.
Over and out.